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This morning as I sat and talked with my Dad over a cup of coffee at our local drug store (Starbucks), one of our staff members from the church joined us for a while.  He has recently become a new dad and is full of stories and excitement that all dads have once experienced.

It was fun to listen to him and watch him tell his stories with drama and energy.  But you could see a glaze of fatigue and lack of sleep that only comes from having a newborn in the house.  As my dad and I sat and listened, we were both loading our guns to tell our own stories that were bigger and better in our own mind.

“Well let me tell you what happened to me…”

We got to a point in the conversation where I asked him if he was ready for some “been there done that” wisdom?  He said that he would be glad to hear it.

I reminded him of how easy is, how easy it will be, and if not careful, how habitual it will become to point the majority of his attention to the new addition to the family.  He looked at me as if “Yah! So?”

My point was that if one is not careful, the attention and affection that was once solely directed toward your spouse, could now be pointed solely at the child and the spouse can easily begin to feel left out.

The spouse might say, “When you used to come home from work, you would come in and give me a big hug and kiss.  But now you come in and go straight to the baby and I might get a “hello honey.”

It is so important for both spouses to keep an eye on the primary relationship.  It is not only necessary, but is very natural to give the new addition to the family lots of love and attention.  But it is also necessary to make sure that the needs of the spouse are being met.

I am simply suggesting that each spouse make it a priority to check on the primary relationship regularly and make sure it is ok.   Keep loving up that child and shower them with affection, but don’t forget number one.

I think our young father friend left the drugstore with something more to chew on than just his coffee cake.

May we all take a moment and make sure that our spouse knows that they are still number one in our heart.

Joel